Hear Geörge Letter to the Editor

This is a letter that I submitted to the Collegiate Times, the on-campus newspaper at Virginia Tech. I wrote it in a snit after a previous column (which I unfortunately don't have any more) made some biblical assertions with which I took umbrage.

Without that letter, it is impossible to read this letter in the proper context. Just imagine that the previous letter made some rather extraordinary claims, like that the Earth is 132 years old, that belief in Jesus causes your socks to be permanently free of static cling, or that tomatoes are vegetables. As a result, I found it appropriate to be more abusive and sarcastic than was strictly necessary. Not that you should read this prologue as an apology.

Here is the letter:

   I am writing to comment on the "Biblical Facts" (CT, Feb. 9) column and
CFC's (I mean Crusaders for Christ, whoses Josh poster metaphors reach far
into the outer atmosphere and rampantly destroy ozone).
   Josh McDowell's "teast-mystery-hype-let's-put-posters-on-peoples'-
bathroom-doors" technique has a major disadvantage: people like myself tend
to point out discrepancies in both the ads and the product.  Here's an
example: "How can so many meaningful relationships yield such a small
meaning?" You may as well ask "What's the difference between a chicken?"
In my experience, anyone who has lots of meaningful relationships gets their
meaning from the fun and enjoyment of living their lives.  Josh's answer
that changing your beliefs to a scientifically invalid closed-minded outdated
static system invented 2000 years ago will fix your personal problems makes
as much sense as the answer to my chicken question above: "One of its legs is
the same."
   I represent a nonexistent organization: Friends of Geörge (as in
"I will hug him and squeeze him and call him George").  I hereby give
honorary membership to anyone who has seen and appreciated our posters, and
amnesty to anyone who has taken them to put on their door.
  -- Chris Hehman, Acting Assistant Ombudsman of F.O.G.
     Sponsored by Campus Crusade for Thinking for Yourself

This letter was subsequently printed in the C.T. (don't remember the exact issue, or even specifically which year, but it was roughly Feb. in roughly 1993). It was printed under the large banner "What's the difference between a chicken?"

The editor, unfortunately, chose to correct my intentional abuses of grammar, insert his own abuses, misspell at least one word, leave in the one misspelling that I committed, and omit the diacritical mark necessary to correctly spell Geörge. But since it was printed, I suppose I should be grateful.