---forwarded-message----> (author unknown) Subject: Absurd Warning Labels (fwd) Report from Week 110, in which we asked you to come up with absurd warning labels for common products. We loved one particular entry for its wonderful idiocy: On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place." We were going to make it a winner, until we discovered that it wasn't made up. Fourth Runner-Up -- On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. (Gary Dawson, Arlington) Third Runner-Up -- On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg) Second Runner-Up -- On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge) First Runner-Up -- On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon) And the winner of the Power Ranger pinata -- On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Honorable Mentions On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2 shipping and a $3 handling charge, for a total of $4.97. (Russell Beland, Springfield) phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive. (David Handelsman, Charlottesville) On a wet suit: Capacity, 1. (J. Calvin Smith, Laurel) And Last: On The Washington Post: Do not cut up and use for blackmail note. (Joseph Romm, Washington). [I can't help but include my personal favorite (unfortunately accurate) warning: CAUTION: Objects in calendar are closer than they appear!