Subject:    Challenge: unfinishable poems?

This is a true story, and rec.arts.poetry seems to be the most appropriate 
group to share this with...

  I recently found an advertisement in a local (to me, anyway) newspaper for
"Personalized Poetry for Your Child!".  Proud parents send off their childrens'
names (and a check) and receive a 5"x7" ready-to-frame poem for each child.
The example shown was Jessica, and each line of the poem was based on a letter
in her name, i.e. 

    'J' is for Jessica, the jewel of our hearts 
    'E' is for every day she blesses us with her beauty (or some such cheeze)

and so forth for each letter in 'Jessica'.  These "poems" were allegedly
constructed by "Folk artist/poet/calligrapher" Jane Smith (Jane Smith is not 
her real name, I am protecting her anonymity for humane reasons).

  My brother and I decided to test Ms. Smith's talent as a "Folk artist/poet"
(the so-called-calligraphy was likely done by computer).  We submitted the
names
                    MYQQYZZYZX  and  CYQQYZZYZX

(which are of course pronounced "Mickey-Zicks" and "Sickey-Zicks") and a 
check for the appropriate amount to the talented Ms. Smith, under the
assumed name of "Kali Halishaz-Bullishazamad" so as to make the names'
origin more plausible.  It would seem that Ms. Smith's talents were not up
to the challenge, however, and I received my uncancelled check with a form
letter marked "We are unable to supply the poems you requested."

  My challenge to anyone who has actually decided to read this far is to
create the two poems I requested.  If I like them, I'll pay for two 5"x7" 
poems what I would have paid Ms. Smith's organization (and more, depending on
such qualities as form, creativity, and sarcasm).  Please contact me via 
e-mail (hehman@vnet.net) for submissions or more information.

-- Chris Hehman, known to junk mail companies everywhere as "Christ Heheman"

home